The eighth annual Staff vs. Students basketball game opened at 7 p.m. A few minutes later, the staff had the lead 9 – 4 and maintained it for the rest of the evening. At the end, the students were mostly dead in spirit, though they will certainly enjoy the rematch next year.
Before the game, there were two groups of opinion among the students. The pessimistic said “We’ll never survive,” and the optimistic replied “Nonsense! You’re only saying that because no student team ever has.”
The pessimists were correct. The game ended with the staff nearly 15 points up 39 – 53. What ultimately defined the match were the very different approaches taken to scoring. The staff focused on layups and shorter shots, while the students took an egregious number of three-pointers.
The students’ strategy of going for three-pointers was a consistent topic of conversation and lament. Fake ESPN commentator Sam Rigg stated, “At half, they were what? One for 30 at the three-point line, and I was a bit depressed.” Staff player Jesse Stevick added, “The student’s three-pointers were absolutely abysmal. That was one of the worst three-point percentages I have ever seen in a basketball game.”
Silas Duerre, coach for the student team alongside Lincoln Berg, described the plan for the game as “Have fun — don’t take things too seriously.” Of this, the students succeeded, even if the student section was rather quiet.
Commentators Josh Muckian & Rigg helped greatly with creating a fun and not-too-serious environment. They were always cracking jokes about it being past referee Nicholas Mullen’s bedtime or throwing out one-liners like “Why not go for a three-pointer — that’s why” by Rigg or Muckian describing Trace Pruitt whenever he went on or off the bench as “Big Chungus,” Then in one particularly humorous moment Muckian announced to all that “Ham came to the bench and said I quote ‘Finish them.’ — They were already finished, Ham.”
Upon reflection, the staff concluded that their better teamwork landed them their 8th consecutive win. This was despite as Staff player Antonio McClinon noted, “Most of us didn’t know about the game till today.” He thought their teamwork was owed to them all being coaches and teachers. Nonetheless, Antio McClinton also thought that the “staff did a great job setting the pace of the game, and slowing it down,” as a faster-paced game would have favored the students.
A prominent element of the game was Nicholas Mullen, whom students thought made bad calls. Student player Logan Jones described the reffing as the “worst showing of refs that I have seen but all from Mullen.” He also added, “Mullen probably needs to grow some hair.” Commentator Muckian said Mullen failed at “protecting the game of basketball… [his reffing] is the start of the downfall of the Staff v Students.”
New to this year’s game was the introduction of girls to the Student team. This included Brynn Udo, Ellie Johnson, Natalie Bowers, Abby Erickson, Ava Bautista, and Nora Saylors. The question remains, however, if they were fully utilized, with Erickson saying, “The girls should have gone in more because we had a really strong plan, and they just didn’t let us execute it.” The introduction of girls to the team may have indirectly hurt the Student Team as according to Jones, they practiced with women’s and men’s sized basketballs.
Besides the teamwork and the absurd number of failed three-pointers, there did seem to be some elder abuse. In the first half Jones accidentally rammed into Cris Violette causing him to sub out. He would later come back in the second half, something that Stevick, speaking for everyone at the match, found “pretty impress[ive],” perhaps due to his being older than the high five and only a few months off of Alaska and Hawaii being states.
